Advertisement
Ok...
So, I have been dating a virgo..sort of and his birthday is on September 7, 1983 and I must say, he rarely initiates anything and has very little drive. I am the one who is usually making phone calls, giving ideas where to go/what to do...I am the man in the relationship.:P It was not like this at the beginning but his aggressive behavior was just a mask.
The first time I talked to him about it, he said that in his opinion, everything is fine and that he does not do things that he would not want to do. "If I say yes, it is because I want to." Now, he knows that he is very passive and that that is something he would like to overcome.
Some background: both parents are Leos, his mom is the boss and the father is horribly passive and sad to say, a doormat.
Mom puts everybody down and is very critical, father likes to stir things up. His brother is also a Leo and a huge troublemaker in the family.
The house is drama-filled.
His ex-girlfriend of three years burned him.
It is just so odd to meet men this passive.
Anyways.....there is another forum I like to post and I read a thread where the user (female) was complaining about the same thing....and guess what?
Her virguy's birthday is on September 7, 1982! What a coincidence! Of course, the charts are not the same.
So...is it
a)his chart?
b)he is not in love with me, so maybe he would be more aggressive if he were in love with me?
c)his parental background?
d)his relationship background?
What is it?
At this point, I just want to talk about it with him. I mean, I rather converse and tell him that this is not something I feel very comfortable with anymore and for him to tell me what is going on or what he wants.
Knowing him, if I mirror his behavior, he will assume that I am not interested anymore and that will be it. I know it may sound confrontational but I rather talk about it than play games.
I tend to be very patient and tolerant but we recently had another situation where he wanted me to take over. I won't go into details.
All of his exes have been older than him. I don't know if that means he wants someone like his mom, dominating, controlling and always in charge. Just saying this because older women are more likely to be the boss compared to their younger lovers.
But most importantly, is this something that a virguy would feel comfortable with? This talk?
So, I have been dating a virgo..sort of and his birthday is on September 7, 1983 and I must say, he rarely initiates anything and has very little drive. I am the one who is usually making phone calls, giving ideas where to go/what to do...I am the man in the relationship.:P It was not like this at the beginning but his aggressive behavior was just a mask.
The first time I talked to him about it, he said that in his opinion, everything is fine and that he does not do things that he would not want to do. "If I say yes, it is because I want to." Now, he knows that he is very passive and that that is something he would like to overcome.
Some background: both parents are Leos, his mom is the boss and the father is horribly passive and sad to say, a doormat.
Mom puts everybody down and is very critical, father likes to stir things up. His brother is also a Leo and a huge troublemaker in the family.
The house is drama-filled.
His ex-girlfriend of three years burned him.
It is just so odd to meet men this passive.
Anyways.....there is another forum I like to post and I read a thread where the user (female) was complaining about the same thing....and guess what?
Her virguy's birthday is on September 7, 1982! What a coincidence! Of course, the charts are not the same.
So...is it
a)his chart?
b)he is not in love with me, so maybe he would be more aggressive if he were in love with me?
c)his parental background?
d)his relationship background?
What is it?
At this point, I just want to talk about it with him. I mean, I rather converse and tell him that this is not something I feel very comfortable with anymore and for him to tell me what is going on or what he wants.
Knowing him, if I mirror his behavior, he will assume that I am not interested anymore and that will be it. I know it may sound confrontational but I rather talk about it than play games.
I tend to be very patient and tolerant but we recently had another situation where he wanted me to take over. I won't go into details.
All of his exes have been older than him. I don't know if that means he wants someone like his mom, dominating, controlling and always in charge. Just saying this because older women are more likely to be the boss compared to their younger lovers.
But most importantly, is this something that a virguy would feel comfortable with? This talk?
Advertisement
Advertisement
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Tue, March 3, 2009 - 9:12 AMI am a pretty passive Virgo. I hate talking on the phone and rarely call my BF. I like someone else to come up with creative things to do to help guide me, but I also enjoy doing a wide variety of things. I almost never say no to any suggestion. When I was younger I was even less involved, but now I am more in touch with taking some initiative, suggesting things to do, taking the lead. It's taken almost 40 years to accomplish this however. I used to attribute my passiveness to the controlling nature of my parents...it was easier to bend and sway...less friction, less drawing attention to oneself...
But as I mature, and meet truly loving caring people that I feel I can trust, I've begun to open up and learn to put myself out there too. I'm a Sept.12er.
Love has nothing to do with my passiveness. I've worked very hard to maintain at least an image of togetherness and balance in my life even if internally things are chaotic.
I'm not sure what the answers are for you, but continue to communicate your desires.
Personally I don't like extreme neediness or ultimatums, and prefer a "safe" experience over a really adventurous one...again, really even keel and balanced. I just function my best that way.
Good luck. :) -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Tue, March 3, 2009 - 1:12 PM
Thanks for responding. Do you know your venus, mars and rising sign?
Now, I will not set an ultimatum but it is like the following: (I wrote this to the the girl who has 9/7/82 virguy).
"Lucky you that you are fine with it....
I am not. I mean, I don't need him to be Mr. Alpha male but I think it is just not healthy and with time, one gets tired or builds resentment due to having to do everything. I mean, I even did his doctor's appointment because he HAD to go to the doctor.
It may seem sweet but at the same time, it is nice to see that someone can be self-reliant.
I also don't want a repeat of his parents' relationship because this is what it seems. His parents aren't happy the way they are but that is the only model he knows. No wonder his ex burned him. She could see that he gave her so much power over him and she took advantage of that. Even if we don't end up married, I don't want him to go through that situation again. He is lucky that I am a leader with good intentions.
Nevertheless, I know he can be and do better.
Culturally speaking….
Whereas he lives with his parents, I don't. I pay my bills so it is double work for me to be self-reliant and also having to be the man in the relationship.
So, we are going to have a talk this Thursday. I don't need him to take the initiative but I do need him to help me around and if that is not in his best interest, then we will have to call it quits. I sense that he does not want to end things but at the same time, he does not express his feelings, discomforts and so on. If that is the way he is, it is ok…I can help him and work things out.
I will be nice and respectful, of course, but I need him to tell me the why of his behavior so I can at least understand.
Thanks for listening." -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Tue, March 3, 2009 - 1:24 PMI have been known to be a bit of a' doormat' , in that I am a good listner, and have had a few abusive partners.The love of my life is a taurus, and even more 'passive' than me....I do think it has a lot to do with parental guidance and up bringing as much as the sign you are . -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Tue, March 3, 2009 - 1:30 PMI am a very passive virgo, but if I believe in something, I have passion about it. How old is he? I was with a few irresponsible virgos before. That's what I'd call it, if you feel like you're doing all the work... irresponsible. I have a gemini friend who's with a virgo, he NEVER cleans or picks up a finger around the house. I drives her nuts. Another gemini I know is with a virgo, she's 19, and he's 21. She's pregnant, and he has yet to go to ONE of her doctor appointments with her. So, to me, it's an issue of maturity and responsibility, well for them anyway. It was the same issue for me with my virgos. I'm with a scorpio now, he's very mature, and we both work hard for what we have and what we want. -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Tue, March 3, 2009 - 1:31 PMI say this due to something you said in the astrology tribe related to you doing a lot of the work... ;-) -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Tue, March 3, 2009 - 2:20 PMHe is 25 years old and yes....there is the irresponsibility-lazy factor. Libra rising? Or Cancer?
But then, he started doing stuff around my apt and even made breakfast for the first time.
He even said: "now you just sit down and relax" and I almost went nuts since he was taking action in a big way. Breakfast was very good, btw.
But, he still does not call to go out and he does not initiate "youknowwhat" anymore. Ok, I know he wants it but he is like sheepish now.
Present time: he messed up big time with a certain situation (won't go into details) so he is beating himself up horribly. I mean, he does not even feel comfortable seeing me or anybody. He even said in one of our work meetings (we had to make a wish) that he wants to improve as a person due to the mess. Hopefully, he meant this.
But then, I had to make a doctor's appointment for him because he HAD to go. And you know? It was sweet but I wish he proved his self-reliance to me.
I think Virgo male-Scorpio female relationships are good and bad.
On one hand, the Virgo male being feminine may feel safe and easy with responsible-leader Scorpio female, and responsible-leader Scorpio female may feel safe with someone who respects her decisions. But,
As I read once, Scorpios are confused. We want to be matched in terms of strength and even tamed, but then, we don't want to be dominated. It is quite a contradiction.
Or it could be that I am nuts since I am Scorpio sun and Taurus moon...opposites. :P -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Tue, March 3, 2009 - 3:43 PMFrustrating, I can relate... all I have to say is, "Thank God I'm not dating a virgo!" lol
I did something last week that embarrassed me horribly. I was so ashamed, I retreated, and I felt like I didn't deserve him. We didn't really talk, and a wall was between us for a while time. Finally, yesterday, I made some effort to make ammends. I worked really hard at it yesterday, and I will continue to do so until I have proven myself... Last night, things were beginning to be back to normal, and I am so relieved! -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Wed, March 4, 2009 - 8:53 AMThat is sweet.
Don't be too hard on yourself. I don't even get it.
He is beating himself up and feeling guilty and I am still around.
I told him, "it is ok."
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Wed, March 4, 2009 - 7:22 AM>>>Thanks for responding. Do you know your venus, mars and rising sign?
I don't know my Mars/Venus at the moment, but my rising is Taurus, and I have a Libra moon.
>>>But then, I had to make a doctor's appointment for him because he HAD to go.
lol. I HATE going to the doctor. I only go if I'm on my death bed, so to speak.
I did want to add though that I am extremely responsible and self-reliant. I tend to take care of everyone else...very dependable. I almost wonder if that isn't more just a female characteristic.
And personally, I like my men to be "the man", I want him to be my pillar. I'm independent and somewhat disciplined, and it's nice to not have to be in the arms of my partner. My former BF was a passive Aries (I know, right?!) and always waited for me to tell him what to do, where to go, when we should have sex, etc. Looking back I sometimes wonder how we lasted 12 years.
That being said, age may be a factor.
And I think innately we Virgos really truly want to be better people. Trust him when he says he wants to improve. We are our own worst critic and are continually struggling with error, and being good enough. I'd hate to date a Virgo. lol.
-
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Wed, March 4, 2009 - 9:50 AMThat Passive Aries is just like him....do you know his moon, mars/venus and rising?
"That being said, age may be a factor."
I am 22 and it seems as if he is way behind. Late bloomer. But of course, it takes some people a while to mature.
"And I think innately we Virgos really truly want to be better people. Trust him when he says he wants to improve. We are our own worst critic and are continually struggling with error, and being good enough. I'd hate to date a Virgo. lol."
Trust him.....oy, when someone is not too reliant and dependable, it is hard to trust, especially for a Scorpio.
But my moon and rising are in Taurus, that helps with these Virgos. :P
"I did want to add though that I am extremely responsible and self-reliant. I tend to take care of everyone else...very dependable. I almost wonder if that isn't more just a female characteristic."
That is what I was trying to say with the Female Scorpio - Male Virgo.
I think that the gender role issue comes up.
He is a man but he has Virgo sun, moon and mercury, and also, Virgo happens to be a feminine sign.
He is very passive, which is something you expect more from a woman than a man, and this creates conflict.
Although I don't strictly believe in gender roles, my mind is still biased.
I mean, I am a scorpio, it is a feminine sign...sure.
But scorpio women are strong and secure. I am very bright, strong and a leader. Some men and women are intimidated by me because I am not the passive, sweet and quiet woman.
You get what I mean?
I guess we do complement one another after all.
I have been thinking a lot of what I am going to tell him and I think I am going to tone it down.
I am struggling. I want to ask him the reason he is like that and if there is something he needs to tell me....but I was going to be sort of accusatory.
Maybe I can use the examples on the good things he has done for me and tell him that I need more of that but if that is not in his best interest, then we will have to depart because it is not fair for me or him to stay in a relationship where our needs are not being met. I want to be fair to both of us. -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Wed, March 4, 2009 - 1:30 PMHmmm well myself I was born September the 12,I'm a Virgo Sun with a Leo Moon,with Cancer Rising,
So I'm the type of Virgo that can lead also lol,not so passive lol cause of my Leo Moon lol,
yeah but all Virgo's are different depending on there moon and rising sign's,
Yeah for alot of virgo men they feel as tho they want there woman to work also,cause they don't wanna feel taken advantaged of.
I think the only way to make your Virgo man work is to let him dominate lol otherwise your just adding to the problem,cause your not giving him the proper ambition to make his money lol,cause then the only thing he'll be thinking about is you, not his money lol,I know it sounds funny lol but hey it's true lol -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Wed, March 4, 2009 - 1:38 PMI am a virgo, and have had 2 virgo partners.The first was very dominant and persuasive, he was independant and strong willed (finaly left me for someone else, as I was too clingy at the time) After being 18, having 2 kids with an alcholic aquarius, and 'growing up' went out with a very clingy, insecure virgo, who I finally 'dumped' as he was questioning my every move.....
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Wed, March 4, 2009 - 2:17 PMThat is what they said....mirror his behavior.
If I do that....he will start thinking that I am not interested anymore.
That is the reason I prefer a talk. I just rather converse than play games, and he also does not like games at all.
I just want let it out with my words. -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Wed, March 4, 2009 - 8:17 PMWell I don't think there nothing wrong with being clingy,sometimes people just wanna hold each other in each others arms for a long time so that way they feel happy lol,too me that's what I would call affection lol,but yeah I understand some people just wanna have sex and ignore people feelings,I think thats really wrong too and cruel,and cold.Myself I couldn't handle a relationship without affection,to me it just would feel cold and I'll feel sexually not interested lol.So Mandy I understand were your coming from lol. -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Wed, March 4, 2009 - 8:18 PMThat is what they said....mirror his behavior.
If I do that....he will start thinking that I am not interested anymore.
That is the reason I prefer a talk. I just rather converse than play games, and he also does not like games at all.
I just want let it out with my words.
Yeah well always talk first never just rush into things lol
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Wed, March 4, 2009 - 11:43 PMClingy and possesive...'you're not going out with so and so' etc, 'are you wearing that?' that sort of clingy...not good for anyone! I am clingy in the affectionate way as my partner lives three and a half hours away! so we don't get to see each other often, and even then it's for a day or two. It's tough, but at least the relationship is 'equal'. We both respect eachother, and the need to be individuals.I don't remember having such a comfortable relationship with anyone (apart from 'the first' who was a virgo too!) -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Thu, March 5, 2009 - 4:28 PMYeah you could say I'm a bit of a contradiction lol,cause I love my alone time too lol,I don't alwas like to be around people 24/7,cause if I do lol I get angry and I feel like I wanna punch somebody cause people won't leave me alone lol,with my own thought's lol,unless I'm drinking that day lol then I lose the ability to care about whats around me lol,cause then they can look in my eye's and they know I don't give F***,awww well lucky for me tomorrow is pay day lol,time to get my drink on lol.Yeah can't wait lol,as for girl's lol aw too complicated I rather just have fun for now lol,drink smoke do what ever the hell I want.lol I really think the real problem with woman is just there too indirect with guys lol,at least that's my experience with my Scorpio girl friend, she never told me what she wanted,and I doubt what I want is what she wants lol,cause I'm the type of guy that know's what he wants lol,the real question is am I gonna get into trouble for doing it lol but everything in life is give and take,to me nowadays girl's just play too many games,and I feel like I'm reliving my child hood lol -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Thu, March 5, 2009 - 7:13 PMand it's not in my nature to be selfish either,in fact I was pretty gentle with my scorpio lol but really she didn't deserve it tho lol,cause she betrayed me,but I guess some girl are hoes,but how would I of known tho lol,if I didn't even analyze,cause at the time,I kinda of ignored astrology lol but hey it true what they say about them lol,for us Virgo's tho it's totally wrong,so I'm fine with that lol cause then they can all look at me with there eyes closed lol,believe me us Virgo's are more powerful then most people think,we just choose to be good,to help the world and not make it a worst place.But believe me a ruthless Virgo is a dangerous enemy,just like Easy E lol he a Virgo too lol.
But my soul is more important then people stupidity,so lucky for my enemies I'm not ruthless lol otherwise they would be saying a whole another thing about me lol,I may be a nice guy but I know whats up lol I see everything lol even when I'm drunk lol I see how quiet people get lol cause they know I'm don't give a F***,and they can sense how strong I am lol so they shut there mouth up lol cause they're crazy cause they really don't want this lol -
-
This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Thu, March 5, 2009 - 7:15 PManyways lol I got off subject abit lol but I think yall feel me lol -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Fri, March 6, 2009 - 12:17 AMVirgo's are complicated believe me lol,cause were changeable lol,but then I remember this one time this Leo served me a drink lol so
but then I'm suppose to serve right? lol I wouldn't say I serve I just like helping people but then so do other sign's too,so just be honest with your man and tell him your needs,cause I'm sure when your happy he's happy lol. -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Fri, March 6, 2009 - 12:45 PMAnyways, we did talk and he said that he does not know the reason he is like that.
I asked him if he had been like this with exes, he said that he was slightly more aggressive in the past.
He told me he would think about the whys and let me know.
I did not do the ultimatum-like speech since I forgot and there is no point, after all, he does not know. I did let him know that I see great potential in him though.
We shall see. -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Sat, March 7, 2009 - 6:36 PMHa lol sounds like he avoiding the question ha ha ha that dude sounds crazy lol,he sound's more Virgo then me lol,
always with the obsessive manners lol,sounds like somebody been watching too much Jame's bond lol,
hmmm well maybe instead of asking him question's just tell him whats up with you,maybe he waiting for you to tell
him what you really want instead of you being so dramatic lol,yeah I speak my mind so sorry for being crazy lol,
but you know maybe he's doesn't wanna tell you cause he's trying to be a gentlemen,that's what I think at least,
just learn to speak your mind. -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Wed, March 11, 2009 - 10:42 AMWe talked yesterday on the full moon in Aries.
He was acting so erratic and well, we practically argued. It had to do with the fact that he had stood me up three times before. (he was supposed to get an hdtv). He had said he does not feel comfortable or ok right now because he is beating himself up over something he did and this problem has not been resolved yet.
He said that he did not like my questioning, that they are emotionally and mentally draining and I have realized that I do tend to nag and question a lot, over and over again over the same thing.
Nevertheless, it does not excuse his flakiness. He said that I should not be bothered by the fact that he stood me up. I asked him if he would like this to be done to him. He said he would not care. He also said he did not make a promise, so I asked him: well, then why am I supposed to know when you are telling a lie or the truth?
Anyways, the conversation went on and on. He bailed out and then we patched up things again. I told him it was probably not the best time to end things since we were both stressed out due to issue he is going through. We both agreed that we would continue dating.
He said I was a good person. It was just weird.
I have realized that I tend to nag a lot and that it was probably not the best moment to talk about it since the conversation took place after he finally helped me out with getting an hdtv.
However, it does not excuse his extreme current flakiness, and I must admit, I find this degree of flakiness very strange. Maybe it does have to do with the fact that he does not feel comfortable right now. I don’t know…or maybe people tend to slowly feel bothered when they are nagged. Or maybe, he is just very irresponsible. I don’t want to make excuses for him either.
I am starting to think of the possibility that he may be libra rising. I dated a libra once and he also did not like conflict at all. It drove him away.
He just can't seem to see the forests for the trees. Not the best empathizer in the world at all. -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Wed, March 11, 2009 - 10:43 AMPics of him.
If anybody can guess rising signs.
i644.photobucket.com/albums/...5805.jpg
i644.photobucket.com/albums/...5806.jpg
i644.photobucket.com/albums/...5807.jpg
i644.photobucket.com/albums/...5808.jpg
i644.photobucket.com/albums/...5809.jpg
Tell me what you think. I realized I did not take full body images. -
-
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Thu, March 12, 2009 - 7:04 PMHahhaa I like his pic lol there funny as hell lol,Yeah I bet he's a virgo rising lol,lol he looks f**k up lol,
lol dam that was funny lol -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Thu, March 12, 2009 - 7:05 PMLOL I've been drinking myself today so I can relate lol,I had the same look on my face lol -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Thu, March 12, 2009 - 7:16 PMWell I'm sure you and him will make things better just have patients,if not speak your mind lol,either way I'm sure things will go in a more positive direction,Virgo and Scorpio relationship's are always intense lol,I know cause I dated one lol,it didn't end well but I still love her cause she showed me what love was,and I still love her because of that. -
-
Re: Very Passive Virgo?
Thu, March 12, 2009 - 7:19 PMBut right I sorta of have this crush on this Virgo girl so hopefully that will turn out ok lol,hopefully everything is perfect like it should be lol,
but I'm happy cause I feel whole again.Anyways take care and good luck with you two
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
